You wake up in the morning, and before you can even fully open your eyes, your brain starts going. You’re already thinking about the breakfasts you need to make, the lunches and snacks that need to be packed. Your mind is already making the to-do list for the day. Catching up on chores that you didn’t finish yesterday, adding new ones that need to be done today, and thinking about the logistics of after school activities. Your day is already all about everyone else, and you haven’t even gotten out of bed. Every day probably starts the same. Your mental checklist of what needs to happen is the first thing that comes to mind, but what if wasn’t? What if the first thing that happened in your day was just for you, so that you could start your day with calm and quiet? what if you were able to put off the racing thoughts and do something that gave back to you before you give to everyone else?
Mornings Matter
Mornings are powerful. Imagine how different your day could be if you started your day with intention instead of reaction. Taking a moment of calm to reclaim space sets the tone for your day and can lead to more calm and patience throughout your day. This is the time of day when you have the most control before the demands of everyone else’s needs and schedule take over. Taking time for yourself in the morning accumulates over time and will positively affect your mood, patience, presence, and sense of self. My mindset completely shifted after I started waking up earlier so that I could start my day with quiet, meditation, and my favorite podcast or book. It is nice to fill my cup before I do anything for anyone else. Now my days start with gratitude and calm instead of frantic energy. It has made all the difference.
It Doesn’t Have to Be All or Nothing
If you’ve been reading my previous blogs, you have heard me say before that self-care does not need to be big, flashy, expensive, or time consuming. The same is true for a morning routine. It also doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s routine. you can pick and choose what feels right for you. A meaningful morning routine can be as short as 10 minutes of intentional time that is beneficial to you. Even sitting quietly for five minutes while you drink a cup of coffee or tea could be all that you need. The bar for what works is lower than you think, which is good news! There is no pressure here, no expectation.
What “Belonging to You” Actually Means
The title of this post has the phrase, “belongs entirely to you” in it. So what exactly does that mean for your morning routine? It means that your morning routine should not be about productivity or optimization. Your morning routine should be centered around the feeling that it gives you at the start of your day. For some moms, that means movement, for others it means stillness. For some it might involve journaling, reading, or sitting outside for a few minutes. The only requirement is that whatever you do is chosen by you, for you, and that it fills something inside of you rather than depleting it. This should be about you defining a routine on your own terms, rather than trying to follow someone else’s plan.
To go along with this post, I’ve created a morning routine builder. This will help you think through what would mean the most to you in the morning. Get yours here:
Start Smaller Than You Think
Now, I don’t want you to get overwhelmed or discouraged by trying to add one more thing to your day. So I want you to start small. I mean extremely small, like way smaller than you think you should start. Choose one thing that you can do consistently before anyone else’s needs enter the picture. Don’t think of the smallness as a limitation, think of it as a strategy to help you be successful. We don’t want to discourage your efforts by going right for 30 minutes of alone time when your body is not accustomed to waking up that early. You’ll end up just hitting the snooze and talking yourself out of it.
Starting small makes it easier to feel successful. By being consistent with something small, you will build neural pathways and self-trust that makes expanding on the routine feel natural instead of forced. Here are some examples of small ways to start:
- Make a cup of coffee and drink it while it’s still hot.
- 5 minutes of stretching.
- Read one page of a book.
- Make a list of 3 things you’re grateful for.
- Journal for 5 minutes.
Remember: Whatever you choose can be anything that will fill you up, it doesn’t have to be something that I mention.
How to Protect Your Time
After you know what activity you would like to start with, how do you make sure you can be successful and consistent? The first way is to hold a boundary around that time. That means, not hitting snooze, not checking your phone immediately to scroll, and not responding to the first person who needs something before you’ve had your moment. It’s easy to let all of those things stand in your way or be your excuse about why it won’t work. Here are some concrete ideas to work past some of the things that might get in your way.
- Set your alarm even earlier so that you can snooze it if you think that would be helpful for you. But then you have to actually get out of bed when it’s time.
- Put an app timer on your phone that doesn’t allow you to scroll during your morning routine.
- Keep your phone out of reach until you complete your routine.
- Wake up early enough that it is not going to be at a time when your kids are usually awake so that they can’t interrupt you.
- Communicate that this time is yours and that if your family needs help they will need to wait (unless of course it’s an emergency).
- Prep the night before so the morning requires fewer decisions and less friction.
- Treat your morning time with the same non-negotiable energy that you give to school drop off or a meeting at work.
My morning routine builder helps you think through all of the steps mentioned above. Download it to start making your plan!
The Connection to Your Identity
As I said above, this routine is not about being productive. The act of showing up for yourself first thing in the morning is your way of declaring to yourself and others that you matter! Every time you show up and honor that time and protect it, you are reinforcing a new story about your own worth. You are worth the time and energy that it will take to make your morning routine possible. Over time you might find that your routine becomes less about the specific activity and more about what it means to you to begin each day by choosing yourself. Showing yourself time and commitment makes your mindset shift and your mood lifet. It feel good to put yourself first and honor what matters to you. Earlier this month I wrotea bout how you can find a little bit of the feelings that Mother’s Day brings every day. Adding a meanginful morning routine to your day is a way to make this happen. You can decide what makes you feel loved and seen, what resets your mind and nourishes your soul, and you can choose to start every day that way. What a powerful gift to give yourself! Check out my previous post here: Mother’s Day Post
What to Do When It Falls Apart
Okay, I know what you’re thinking: “this sounds great but what are the chances I’ll actually keep it up?” First of all, let’s be realistic, there will be days that your routine gets messed up because….life. There are going to be sick kids, late nights, chaotic weeks, etc. This morning routine is not meant to be about being perfect, so it’s okay if it doesn’t always work out. Give yourself grace on the days that you need the extra rest or something comes up with a sick kid. The extra rest could be your morning routine that day. Sometimes realizing our bodies need extra rest is powerful and should be honored.
Often moms are fearful of not doing everything the “right” way. It’s because of the pressure placed on motherhood, and this is your permission to let it go. The goal of this morning routine is not to get a perfect streak with no interruptions. The goal is to honor your needs and to return to your morning routine after the disruptions end. In fact, returning to your routine after a disruption is part of building a habit. Missing one morning (or more) does not mean that you have failed or done something wrong. It means that tomorrow is a fresh start.
What Comes Next?
If you take only one thing away from this post, let it be this: you do not need to completely overhaul your entire day to make a difference in how you feel. You need one morning, one small action, one decision to show up for yourself before tending to everyone else. If you show up consistently (and give yourself grace on the days that you can’t show up), things will start to change. You’ll discover things about yourself, you’ll feel lightness, you’ll feel nourished, you’ll feel worthy. You are capable of this change. Remember, start small.
Download my morning routine builder to help you think through your process.
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