Did you know?!

Did you know school started?! LOL Of course you knew that. For weeks you have probably been prepping in a lot of different ways to get everyone ready to go back to school. Buying school supplies, sifting through the many emails about the start of the year, helping to quell any nervousness your kids might be feeling, trying to figure out the many logistics of getting to and from school and/or activities, and the list goes on.

Depending on where you live, your kids may have gone back to school a few weeks ago. Where I live in Michigan, schools went back this week, and some are not starting until after Labor Day. Over the past few weeks I’ve been doing all of the things to prep our family for the chaos that is going back to school. I feel like I’m pretty prepared and can slip back into our schedule from last year, but I also know I probably forgot something. I’m sure there is some detail that is going to pop up during this first week that I haven’t thought of yet, and that’s okay!! A lot of being a parent is learning that you don’t have it all figured out and things need to be tweaked to work better or smoother in the future. So basically, I’m here to say that if you felt a little (or a lot) frazzled this week, you are not alone! My bet is most moms feel a little all over the place these first few weeks back.

All the Feelings

I know one thing that our family has had to prepare for is all of the new and unknown aspects that are creating a lot of feelings for my kiddos. My youngest is going to his first year of preschool and my oldest will be in first grade. If your child(ren) are going to new schools this year, or if they just prefer to be at home with you and miss you a lot when they go to school, it can be tough to get back in the swing of things. I am grateful for all of the back to school events that our school district provides because it helps my child visualize what the classroom and teacher will look like so the first day of school is not such an unknown.

Helping a child through all of these feelings can be draining and overwhelming at times. Especially if you have more than one kid that is having a lot of emotions about the changes to your schedule/day. On Monday, my daughter went back to school for the first day. I was so wrapped up in how she was going to do, and if she was going to be nervous, that I didn’t do a lot of prep for my son. After his sister got on the school bus, he was a little lost. He didn’t know what to play, the house felt calmer and quieter, and he didn’t want to leave my side because he was looking for the companionship that he had shared with his sister all summer. I had to take a lot of deep breaths and remind myself that this is a big change for him as well. He has just had a super fun summer playing with his sister and now he feels like he’s all alone. I know that over the next few weeks we’ll fall into a rhythm (especially once he starts school) and his day won’t feel so empty without her. But in the meantime, I know that I’ll need to show him patience and understanding as he navigates what it feels like to be without her. Which honestly, is sometimes easier said than done.

You may be having a lot of big feelings too! Maybe your oldest is a senior this year, maybe (like me) your youngest is starting their school journey, or maybe you have three different kids in three different schools for the first time. These milestones can create a sense of change that can be hard to navigate. For myself, because I’m a stay at home mom, I am going to have time alone in my house without my kids present. I haven’t felt that for six years. It’s an odd feeling to know that I’ll have time to myself, and I’m starting to wonder what I’m going to do during those hours when they’re both at school. It is an opportunity for me to reflect on what goals I would like to set for myself, and how I can find a little bit of myself separate from being a mom. That can be an overwhelming thought and can sometimes lead to nothing being done because it’s easier to sit and scroll on your phone while you “think” about how you want to spend your time. Working with a life coach can help you focus in more on what you want to accomplish and can help break the cycle of indecisiveness by helping to hold you accountable to your goals.

Time For You!

If you are a stay-at-home mom like me, you might be faced with a similar situation. Unsure of what to do with yourself during all of the hours while your kids are at school. The temptation might be to do all of the housework, which makes sense! However, can I present a different choice? What if you didn’t do ALL of the housework while the kids are out of the house? What if you did something for you each day? As I’ve said in previous blogs, it doesn’t have to be some giant thing that takes a lot of time and costs a lot of money. It can be starting to read a new book that you’ve been wanting to read, it can be a new craft project that you’ve been wanting to try, it can be learning a new skill or baking a new recipe that is super involved and difficult to make with kids around. Your time can also be spent doing some housework and organizing something you’ve been wanting to clean out, but remember to make some time for something you ENJOY as well.

If you’re a working mom, your day may not look so different from the summer (unless you work from home and now have peace and quiet while you work). This is still a great time to reflect on the time you spend on yourself to decide if you have any goals you want to achieve. Depending on if you work full or part time, you may need to get pretty creative about how/where to add time for yourself. It is possible to make time just for you, remember to keep it simple and small to start. If it’s something that works and that you enjoy, you will start to make more time for it in your day!

Expectations

One thing to keep in mind when a new season begins is what expectations you are holding for yourself and your family. Were you expecting the first day to be fantastic and your kid started out by refusing to get on the bus? After so much prepping and thinking ahead, did you realize you forgot to send your kid to school with their snack? Did you expect your kid to be so nervous that they were crying at the bus stop, but instead they happily climbed the steps and waved goodbye to you like it was no big deal?! Did you expect to get so much done on your to-do list while the kids were at school, but then you had decision paralysis and ended up scrolling on your phone while you thought through all of the choices and nothing got done?

Expectations can be tricky, we either hold our expectations too high and expect everything to go exactly the way we think it should; OR we hold our expectations so low that we expect everything to go wrong. Either way we are disappointed in the end, because either we were wrong about everything going well, or we were right about everything going terribly. If your expectations were not met this week, that is okay!! The great thing about expectations is they can be adjusted! Where can you change your expectations next week so that you don’t feel so disappointed? Learning how to set expectations can take a lot of practice and is something that can be addressed while working with a life coach. Things may not always be as bad as they seem, you may just need to adjust your expectations in certain instances.

What Worked and What Can Change?

At the end of this week I implore you to reflect on how things went. Did you fit back into your normal routine? Did you feel frazzled and chaotic because you had a different schedule from last year? There are endless questions you could ask yourself about what worked and what didn’t in this first week back to school. Take some time at the end of this week to think about what went well and what needs to be adjusted. And remember to give yourself and your family some grace as everyone adjusts to the new school year. 

Reflection:

There is a lot to juggle when kids go back to school and often moms can put themselves and their needs aside because they are busy helping everyone else. That is valid and completely normal, just remember to add yourself back into the equation so that you don’t get left behind and burned out before September even ends! I have created some reflection questions to help you think a little bit deeper about how your self-care fits in this new season of back to school. After you have answered these questions thoughtfully and are interested in diving even deeper into how to make goals for yourself and achieve them by working with a life coach, reach out through my website and we can work together to find what fits you in this season of life!

Reflection Questions:

1. At the end of the week: what worked well, what are you proud of?!
2. What is one thing you can do to make next week easier?
3. Where can you give yourself grace about what did not get done?
4. What is one self-care goal you would like to set for this school year? (Try to make it something you can achieve every day, or at least a few times a week)
5. Do your routines need adjustment, or do you need to change your expectations to better fit you and your families needs?

However you are feeling about your motherhood journey is valid and differs from person to person. My goal is to help you find what works best for you and your family in this season of life. If you’re struggling with fitting in self-care with the busyness of back to school and don’t know where to start, that’s okay! What works for one mom, might not resonate with another. If this blog resonated with you and you’d like to learn more about working with a coach, you can reach out through the contact form on my website. The first consultation call is always free, with no commitment unless you feel it is a good fit for you. If you’ve been wanting to make a change, maybe now is the time! Do what feels right for you!

*Coaching is not a substitute for therapy. This Mom Matters Coaching does not guarantee any results. I am not a licensed psychologist or specialist healthcare professional. My services do not replace the care of psychologists or other healthcare professionals. This is a lifestyle blog and is not meant to be used as medical advice or to help to treat/diagnose any medical or mental health issues.