Do You Like the Way You Feel?

How have you been feeling lately? Do you feel confident when you go somewhere? Or do you feel like you’ve been going through the motions and hiding yourself? Last year around this time I realized that I was always feeling lazy and frumpy. Even on days when I had a lot of energy and wanted to get things done, I felt stuck and weighed down because I didn’t feel confident. And while outward appearances are definitely not the most important thing, I didn’t like the way I carried myself or the way that I perceived myself as an adult. I never had a reason to look “cute” and “put together.” I was always wearing the “mom uniform” of leggings and comfy tops because all I was doing was taking care of my kids and house all day. I realized I was getting bored and I missed the days of finding a cute outfit that I was excited to wear, so I started to slowly make some changes.

The Newborn Days

Just like most other moms, during the newborn days of motherhood, my main concern for my clothing was comfort. Sure I had some cute maternity sweatshirts, but my main goal was finding something I could easily nurse or pump in, and of course my pants were always leggings. Probably maternity leggings honestly, because they were SO comfortable and I had just been wearing them for the last nine months and did not have the energy or time to find a different option.

The tricky thing about what we wear during the newborn phase is that it can easily fade into what we wear when our children are infants and small toddlers. Granted, I think a lot of the time we probably update the pieces of clothing themselves, but we still seek the comfortableness that comes along with leggings and sweatshirts because we’re busy chasing small children around all day. Especially if you have another baby soon after your first, you’re definitely staying in those comfy clothes for months and months, maybe years. Which is totally fine!! While you’re in the season of newborn/infant it makes sense to stick with what is easy/comfy, it’s when you get stuck in that rut that can start to be frustrating for some moms.

Stuck in a Rut

I didn’t realize I was stuck until my son was almost three years old. Now, that’s not very old, he was still a toddler and I was still doing a lot of sitting on the floor and running around playing with him and his older sister. However, one thing that I hadn’t noticed was that I had TIME! I had time that I could use to get ready, I had time to myself while they played independently that I could use for something that I wanted to do (including getting myself ready for the day)!

While reflecting on my thoughts about myself, I realized I always pushed aside getting myself ready because I needed something to be easy about the morning. I didn’t want to put a lot of effort into getting ready because I was responsible for getting two other small humans ready every day and it was tiring. Especially because my son really disliked getting dressed (he used to say it was so boring) and it took a lot of time and energy to get him ready to take his sister to the bus stop in the morning. So of course, I pushed myself to the side and focused on them. But after a while that got annoying and frustrating. I didn’t want to keep putting myself off to the side for a more convenient time. I wanted to MAKE time for myself, so that I could feel good.

Climbing Out of the Rut

I realized that part of me had been in a holding pattern after having kids. Always making excuses about why I felt the way I felt. Until one day I thought about the fact that before kids I used to love putting together cute outfits and getting ready for my day, even if it was just a day at home! I enjoyed getting ready for work and dressing up to go out on a date. I started to think about ways that I could find those feelings of joy again in my role as a mom. I started with my shirts. I wasn’t quite ready to let go of the leggings yet, partially because I didn’t think that my jeans would fit (eventually I decided to go and buy a pair of jeans in my correct size so that I could wear them if I wanted to). I bought a few new shirts that actually fit me and cleaned out the shirts that I felt like I was swimming in. This one small change helped to motivate me to make another small change, wearing jeans…sometimes.

I started small. One day a week, when I knew we were going to go somewhere, I chose to wear jeans instead of leggings. I didn’t know how I would feel. Was I going to love wearing jeans? Were they going to be super uncomfortable and annoying? Ultimately, I didn’t mind them! I decided to keep wearing jeans once a week. It helped me feel a little more put together and a little more like a part of me was returning. After the jeans came other small changes. 

I began to wear jewelry more consistently. I had gotten out of the habit because both my kids used to pull on my jewelry constantly when they were infants, and I just never went back to wearing necklaces or earrings. Then I added make-up. Again, it wasn’t every day, and it wasn’t super involved. It was just something to help me feel more put together and ready for the day. All of these small changes seem insignificant, but when put together, they led to a larger change within myself. 

The Biggest Change

The number one thing that these small changes did for me was boost my confidence. I felt like an adult again. I started to feel excited to get ready in the mornings. I also started to actually shop for myself and find pieces that helped me to feel good about the way I looked and matched the way I wanted to FEEL! I didn’t go crazy, I would buy one or two tops or bottoms when I saw something that looked like what I wanted. The changes to my wardrobe helped to create a new feeling inside of me. I liked the way that I carried myself. I liked the way that I smiled at myself in the mirror because I could see a new version of myself that I really loved. 

These small changes were for me. They weren’t for anyone else. None of my motivation was because I cared about what other moms or people thought when they saw me out with my kids. It was purely because I wanted to feel better about myself. I wanted to find a new confidence that I hadn’t found yet in this stage of motherhood. I learned what styles I liked all over again. Of course I still wear leggings and have days that I don’t wear make-up, but now those days feel different. They feel like a choice instead of my default. Now on a daily basis I feel empowered in what I wear! I smile more at myself in the mirror! I feel good, plain and simple, and I had been missing that.

Reflection Questions:

What you wear can have a large effect on how you feel about yourself, even if it seems like it shouldn’t matter. It doesn’t matter what other people think, it matters what you think and HOW YOU FEEL! It’s not silly to want to feel good in your clothes, or to buy new clothes for yourself every once in a while. It is necessary. 

I have created some reflection questions to help you think a little bit deeper about how you feel in your current stage of motherhood. After you have answered these questions thoughtfully and are interested in diving even deeper into how to make small changes that can help empower you by working with a life coach, please reach out through my website and we can work together to find what fits you in this season of life!

Reflection Questions:

1. What is one thing about yourself that makes you smile?
2. Do you like the way you feel about yourself and the way you dress?
3. What is one small change you can make to feel more confident?
4. What is holding you back from making a change to your wardrobe?
5. What is your catalyst for making a change just for you, and no one else?

However you are feeling about your motherhood journey is valid and differs from person to person. My goal is to help you find what works best for you and your family in this season of life. If you’re struggling with how you feel about your clothes, that’s okay! What works for one mom, might not resonate with another. If this blog resonated with you and you’d like to learn more about working with a coach, you can reach out through the contact form on my website. The first consultation call is always free, with no commitment unless you feel it is a good fit for you. If you’ve been wanting to make a change, maybe now is the time! Do what feels right for you!

*Coaching is not a substitute for therapy. This Mom Matters Coaching does not guarantee any results. I am not a licensed psychologist or healthcare professional. My services do not replace the care of psychologists or other healthcare professionals. This is a lifestyle blog and is not meant to be used as medical advice or to help to treat/diagnose any medical or mental health issues.