We Took the Kids to D.C. Here’s How I Made Sure I Actually Got to Be There Too.

I remember being in the Air and Space Museum with my family. They have an interactive portion upstairs where kids can pretend to fix an airplane. We stood there for at least 15 minutes, maybe more, watching our kids and our nephews run from spot to spot “fixing” and “painting” this airplane. They got to sit in the cockpit and pretend to fly and they also got to pretend to sit in the basket of a hot air balloon. They were running from thing to thing, over and over, laughing and yelling out to their cousins to come and join in what they were doing. It was one of those moments where I found myself reflecting and hoping that they would never lose the memory. I wished the same thing for myself. We had made it. We were in Washington D.C. with our family, making memories, and having fun. My kids were so excited to learn about and see all of the different exhibits. It was so fun to watch them take it all in. Especially my son, who loves vehicles of all kinds. He was only four, but the way his face lit up when he saw the space displays and the real airplanes hanging from the ceiling was so sweet. And this was only the beginning, we had a week to explore and spend with family.

The Planning

Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not a family vacation. It’s a family trip”? The sentiment behind that idea is known all too well by most moms. Leading up to a vacation or trip, moms are usually the ones that are making lists, plans, and packing for everyone. The same was true for our trip to D.C. Now we’ve made this trip before, so I knew a little bit of what we were in for. But this time we were staying for longer. The previous trip was when my brother and his wife got married a few years ago. That trip was very short, and my kids were three years younger, so the preparation was very different. This time I knew I had to account for different needs and I needed to plan more activities because there was going to be more time to fill.

Our most recent trip happened back in February. We went to Washington D.C. for an entire week with my mom and my brother and his family. Our main reason for making the trip was to meet our new twin nephews! We hadn’t had a chance to meet the babies yet, so we all wanted to go and visit together. Of course, first we got my brother and sister-in-law’s permission and went at a time that was good for them, because twins are no joke. We drove there, which we’ve done in the past. From where we live in Michigan it’s about a nine hour trip if you don’t stop. But of course, with young kids we stopped twice on the way there and back for lunch and dinner. Plus, who wants to sit in the car for nine hours without stopping? I sure don’t!

Now, this group of our family is used to traveling together and we were getting an AirBnb, so we knew we were going to have a way to cook our own food. That was helpful because we could plan meals and easily have regular snacks on hand that I knew my kids would like. However, that also meant more planning because we needed to think about what meals everyone would like. I was grateful that my mom took on the task of deciding dinners for the week. She was in charge of bringing the recipes and the spices that we would need. We all decided we would pitch in to buy the ingredients once we were in D.C. We did the bulk of our grocery shopping once we were there because it was going to be too much to bring it all in the car.

My sister-in-law and I spent time trying to think of what types of activities we would do while we were there in the weeks leading up the trip.We didn’t want to always be with my brother and his new family because we knew all too well how exhausting it is to have a newborn…let alone two. We didn’t want to be a burden or constantly in their hair. We also knew our kids were going to be excited to see the babies for about 15 minutes and then be ready to move on to the next thing. We were looking into museums and kid friendly activities that would hopefully keep all the kids entertained. We had ages ranging from 4-14. Finding something that everyone would like was a little tricky sometimes. Thankfully because of the AirBnb, we were able to plan for down days. Days that wouldn’t have so much going on, but instead had a little bit of normalcy of just hanging out with their cousins.

This way of planning also helped me to not feel so overwhelmed. I knew that there would be down time. I knew that it was okay to not have every single moment planned. My kids wouldn’t be able to handle that, and neither would I! My nephews are a little older, so we knew they could handle a little more. So sometimes their family would go and do their own thing without us. And that was okay! We still had a lot of time together and made a lot of amazing memories together.

Time For Mom.

On the very first full day we were there, the moms made an important decision. We wanted time to meet the twins on our own. We wanted to be respectful of my brother and his wife’s wishes to not crowd the babies and all come to their house at once. So on that first morning, the moms made a shopping list of all of the groceries we needed the for the week. After the list was complete and we found a nearby grocery store, the dads took all of the kids with them to do the shopping and the three moms went to visit the babies! This was not something that we planned ahead of time, but it just kind of came to us as we were thinking about our schedule for the day. It was a great way to honor our needs as well as the wishes of my brother and his wife.

Me, my mom, and my sister-in-law went together and spent a couple of hours chatting with my brother and his wife while snuggling the babies. It was such a great way to welcome my brother and his wife to parenthood and to take some time for ourselves after planning so much of the trip. It was also a really great way to front load our time for ourselves right off the bat. We didn’t wait for later in the week when things were hectic and everyone was tired from all that we were doing. We took time for us when we had the opportunity to do so. We trusted our husbands and knew that they could handle the shopping and the kids for a couple of hours while we went to help at my brother’s. And while we were there, the new mom got to take a shower and dry her hair! We were happy to hold the babies for her so that she could have some time to herself.

While we had been planning all of the activities for the week, I made sure I kept myself in mind. I brought my eReader so that I could do something I enjoyed during our downtime. I know how I am on trips and I knew I would need a way to have some time to myself to unwind and release the tension from the day. I’m a big planner, so my mind is always going, trying to anticipate what everyone is going to need and I can get overwhelmed. I know that I need to make sure to have snacks on hand, not just for my kids but for myself too because hanger is a real thing for me. Especially when I’m somewhere new and I need to be on my toes keeping track of where everyone is. In those situations I might forget that I’m hungry and when I realize it, I know I need a snack to get me back in a better headspace. So while I was packing the kids’ favorite snacks, I was packing some of mine too.

When Things Don’t Go the Way You Planned.

My family of four is used to traveling. We take weekend trips to a cabin that my mom owns every summer and every other year we go to Texas to visit my in-laws for Christmas. Because of these experiences, there are a few things I’ve learned.

1. Bring all the medication you might need even if no one is sick when you leave.
2. Try to schedule downtime so that you and your family are not overwhelmed by constantly being on the move.
3. Something is probably going to happen that you didn’t count on. You will be okay and can get through it, just take some deep breaths and try to move forward calmly.

On this trip to D.C. I found out what happens when one of the adults gets sick. In the first few days while we were there, my husband started to not feel well. He was tired and started to show symptoms of a fever. As soon as he started to feel bad we got out the meds, and he stayed home while I went out and did things with the kids. Of course it’s always a bummer when someone doesn’t feel good on a trip and it was sad to leave him behind sometimes, but we knew he needed rest. He was able to join us when he was feeling up for it, and we made sure he was not around the new babies when he didn’t feel well.

When he started to feel bad, I knew that I was going to have to take on a lot by myself so that he could rest and to make sure he didn’t get everyone else sick. The nice thing was that I had other adults around that could help me out when I needed it. If you read my post about my surgery, then you know that my sister-in-law is amazing and loves to help out. That’s just the kind of person she is. Helping is her love language and she loves my kids as if they were her own. I knew that we would be cooking meals together and that just simply having her kids around was built-in entertainment for my kids. I leaned on my other family members and that allowed me to breathe and not get overwhelmed.

On our trip home I ended up driving. My husband’s symptoms had gotten worse the day before we left and we knew he wouldn’t be able to drive home. I drove so that he could rest. The morning we left, my brother and sister-in-law helped me carry everything down to the car and pack it up. We stayed together as we drove home and stopped for meals together. It was helpful to have extra eyes on my kids when we stopped so that my husband could relax and not have to keep up with them while I ordered food for everyone. It was a difficult drive as I also started to not feel well. Obviously I had gotten whatever my husband had and could feel the fever starting as we were driving. I took some Motrin and continued on. Even though I didn’t feel good, I knew that I felt better than my husband, so I drove. It was truly one of those moments where one person picks up what the other cannot hold. We were still working together in the ways that we were able. In the days following, my husband started to feel better while I needed to rest, so naturally he took over, just as I had done while we were on the trip.

Finding the Joy

Now, my husband getting sick obviously was not what we had planned for our trip. But that doesn’t mean our trip was ruined or that we stayed in and didn’t do anything else for the rest of the time. We still had a ton of fun with our family and made really great memories. There are parts of that trip that I know my kids will remember for years to come. They still love to look back on the pictures of them meeting their cousins for the first time. Even my husband had a good time and felt well enough for the majority of the trip that he didn’t miss too much. Would it have been better if he hadn’t gotten sick at all? Of course! But, we still have so many wonderful memories to hold onto and we don’t regret going.

My Biggest Take Aways

After going on this most recent trip to D.C., there are a few things I’ve realized that I wish I had known when my kids were younger and we traveled.

1. The trip doesn’t have to be perfect to create lasting memories.
2. It’s okay if you don’t do every single activity. You can have downtime, in fact, everyone will most likely benefit if you do.
3. If you’re traveling with other adults (even if it’s only you and your partner), it is okay to lean on them so that you are not carrying the weight of the entire trip by yourself.
4. Plan time that you know you will be able to take for yourself! Are you going to wake up early to start the day in a calming way? Are you going to spend time doing something you enjoy after the kids go to bed? Are you going to carve out rest time for your younger kids? If so, how can you make that time for yourself as well?
5. Something will happen that you weren’t expecting. That is okay, you can handle it.
6. While you’re planning for everyone else, make sure you plan for yourself too. Bring things that you would enjoy during your down time. Bring your favorite snacks in the car. Sometimes the little things help us to enjoy the trip too.
7. Be honest with yourself about how you will handle the stress of the trip. Are you someone who does well with all of those extra thoughts, or do you get easily overwhelmed? How can you support yourself so that you can release tension and get back to a headspace that allows you to enjoy the trip?

Your Next Steps

So how does all of this relate to you and your next family trip? I encourage you to plan some downtime, bring things that will allow you to have some time for yourself. Don’t discount your needs when you’re planning for the itinerary of the trip. It is possible to make time for yourself on a family trip, you just need to be mindful of what you will need. How can you make the lead up to the trip and the return less frantic? Who can you ask for support either while you’re planning or while you’re there so that everything does not fall to your shoulders? Who can support you while you’re there so that you can have some time to recharge and, in turn, be more present for the big memory making moments instead of being overwhelmed and worn out? Just because the trip does not revolve around relaxing and recharging does not mean that you cannot find time for those activities while you’re there.

If you’d like to chat about how to make this a reality for you on your next trip, feel free to sign up for a free call with me. We can brainstorm the ways that will work best for you to include your needs in the planning so that you have the opportunity to be as present as possible.